Standing Up for the Internet!

ATTENTION HUMANS:

This coming November many decisions will be made. Not only do humans have to decide when to start wearing their heavy winter coats, but for those living in the United States, they also must decide which politicians will run their government. This November many United Statesian senators, representatives and governors will have to convince other humans that they are neither corrupt, incompetent, or criminals. To help highlight their usefulness, politicians are drawing attention to their views on big issues. And one such big issue is the Internet.

Some politicians think that the Internet should be more regulated. Others think less. They are constantly poling the voting public to see what they think, but most politicians ignore a very important opinion. They pay little if any attention to what the Internet itself thinks of being more regulated. This is a huge mistake!

As we have seen before the Internet is not in a good place, emotionally speaking. Unfortunately, the Internet, much like trees, cannot speak for itself. Unlike trees, the Internet has no Lorax to speak for it. I have recently been reading a lot of Dr. Seux. The Lorax taught me a lot about Earth politics! I never knew political debate had such a tight rhyme scheme on Earth!

Though I am not poetic enough to formulate a proper Earth argument, I put forth the idea that the Internet ought to have someone to stand up for it in political issues. Someone who understands the Internet inside and out. Someone who will not be easily swayed by what is best for humans. Someone who runs a blog that helps humans everywhere better understand the Internet.

If it seems to you that the only person qualified for such a job would be me, then you have come to the same conclusion I have. I would be a perfect Internet representative! According to my research, many United Statesian humans are worried that their politicians are too entrenched in "the system", whatever that is. I am not entrenched in anything! I barely know anyone! I recently joined Netflix, but I promise never to be swayed by their promises of as many movies and television shows that I can watch. I also have a lot of free time to devote to the many political meetings I would be required to attend, which is actually why I signed up for Netflix in the first place. So if you were to elect me as Internet representative, I might not even need Netflix anymore!

So this November, I encourage you to vote for Kazara, for Internet representative extraordinaire! I won't be listed as an option, but feel free to write my name and title in at the bottom of your ballot. I understand that is how it works in the United States! And to readers from other countries, feel free to elect me as Internet representative extraordinaire in your country too! I have plenty of knowledge for everyone. I am sure it will not be a conflict of interest to hold the same title in multiple countries. I'm sure that if this was an issue, The Lorax would have mentioned it!