ATTENTION HUMANS:
Like everyone else online, I have long known of the existence of Internet Website eBay, and even used it once or twice. But until now I had not realized just how much you can buy on eBay! Anything in existence, literally anything at all, can be purchased on this strange and wonderful website.
I recently discovered this due to an incident involving my roommate and her gentleman of choice. She is currently in a long-distance relationship with a rather undesirable young gentleman who often misses their Skype dates to play World of Warcraft. The pair recently had a fight, in which she told all of his internet friends that his World of Warcraft character, though female, was being played by a male. Apparently many of his internet friends had given him virtual items in World of Warcraft under the belief that they were giving them to a real life female human. This part of the story was surprising to me, because in the part of Earth that I reside I see female humans all the time. Perhaps in other locations they are more rare.
To make it up to him, my roommate wanted to buy him a present. So she went to eBay, and purchased items that he can use in this computer game using real, American money. This surprised me even more, because I have only ever bought items that actually exist. I have never bought a pretend loaf of bread, or a theoretical train ticket. But on e-bay, the make believe is completely accessible!
You can buy all sorts of strange things on eBay, from old tissues, to used ink cartridges, to outdated computers. I have never seen such items for sale in stores, and, in all honesty, can not even begin to understand why a human would want to purchase one. What use is a computer that cannot go as fast as a computer you can buy in a store? Humans are very strange!
E-bay is also a good way to verify if an item exists. Since eBay even carries made up items, if you cannot find something on eBay then it most certainly does not exist, even in anyone's mind! For example, when I search for "real live unicorns" (using quotes of course), I get no results. Therefore, unicorns do not exist. Sorry unicorn lovers, but your hunt for the unknown has just come to an abrupt end. However, when I search "fire-breathing dragons" I do get some results, so maybe you would have better luck there. I also find no results for "tasty meal that won't make me gain weight", so don't believe those fad diets that tell you it is possible! eBay sees through their lies!
Unfortunately, when I search for "boyfriend for my roommate that won't make her complain to me all the time", I do not get any results. I suppose this means I will just have to get used to waking up at three in the morning to the sound of her watching "Love Actually" and sobbing madly. Such is life. I was a little more disappointed that "...and maybe someone for me as well. No one smelly" did not receive any search results. It looks like my options in life are either loneliness or unpleasant odors.
eBay tells it like it is, regardless of your feelings.
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