A funny thing happened to me yesterday. I was at the grocery store with my roommate, trying to determine which kind of salad dressing had the most sodium (My metabolism needs lots of sodium to stay healthy and alert. This low sodium fade is very frustrating!) when her WOW addicted ex boyfriend walked into the aisle. She hasn't talked to him since they broke up, and to avoid a chance meeting, we had to hide behind a blubberous woman and her stuffed grocery cart until he selected his preferred brand of olive oil and moved on. As soon as he left the aisle my roommate demanded we leave the store immediately, not even giving me enough time to purchase my salad dressing! My sodium levels were at a dangerous low!
As inconvenient as it was, it was also kind of exciting! I felt like a spy in some Cold War movie. I even hummed the theme from Mission Impossible under my breath, much to the blubberous woman's dismay. Reflecting upon the event, it is a fairly universal occurrence that happens to most humans. You go somewhere, run into someone you would prefer not to see, and hide until they leave.
Which leaves me to wonder, why hasn't the Internet incorporated this into my daily life yet? Is it 2010 or not? Feels more like 1910!
Most common social interactions have been taken over by the Internet. Instead of sending someone a letter, you can send them an e-mail. Instead of calling, you can chat on any number of instant messenger programs. Instead of meeting for coffee to catch up, you can just Facebook stalk your friends and relatives.
And yet, despite all these advances, the Internet does not have any social networking site or new media technology that allows me to hide from an undesirable acquaintance to avoid an awkward conversation. Sure, you can select people to be "blocked", or "ignored", but it is not the same thing. I tried humming the Mission Impossible theme song as I blocked a friend on instant messenger. It was not nearly as exciting as it was in the grocery store!
I am not entirely sure how this would be accomplished. Perhaps you could list people you don't want to see, and when you go to a website that one of them is currently observing your computer would direct you to hide under your desk until they have left. Hopefully then humming the Mission Impossible theme would feel more appropriate.
Now that I think about it, maybe my desire isn't so much to recreate all social interactions on the Internet. It is possible that I am just looking for opportunities to hum the Mission Impossible theme song. I am not sure. Some mysteries will never be solved.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Freecycle your way to true love!
ATTENTION HUMANS:
I have decided that online dating is a horrible thing, designed only to torment its users' roommates. If you have been reading my blog, then you will remember that my roommate recently dumped her boyfriend who lived a short drive away because he kept ditching her to play World of Warcraft. She quickly met another boyfriend using online dating websites.
This new boyfriend ditches her for World of Warcraft just as much, only now instead of getting into fights at his apartment, she gets into fights with him on Skype. From our living room. The room where I enjoy activities such as eating cereal, watching television, and reading magazines. That space is now constantly full of whining, ranting, and crying. It's terrible.
I have thus decided that my roommate needs a new boyfriend, one who lives close enough for her to go fight with him in person and not in our apartment. To do this, naturally I am using the Internet. My roommate's problem is that she does not know enough eligible men. But I can find her some using the Internet! This time, I will not make the mistake of using dating websites, especially because my roommate claims that she is happy with her current boyfriend and doesn't want me finding a new one for her. So this time I am using Internet website Freecycle.org.
Freecycle is a great Internet website. You put in where you live, and the website directs you to a yahoo!group for that area. Once you join, you can post what you want to give away for free, or what you want to get for free. Other posters then respond to your demands. When I saw this website, I immediately thought it would be the great way to find my roommate a convenient new boyfriend.
The strategy is simple. I post on Internet website Freecycle that I am looking for a random household item. When an eligible-sounding man responds, I ask my roommate to help me pick up the item. She is bound to fall in love with at least one of these generous strangers!
So far it has not been going so well. I blame the men. It is very difficult to tell from a yahoo!groups profile whether or not a man is a good catch. Many of the men have been smelly, or old, or married! My roommate has not fallen for any of them, and I cannot blame her. In addition, our apartment is slowly filling up with unwanted furniture and I will eventually run out of space for new things.
I have therefore decided I need to be a little more specific in my Freecycle postings. Here is what I just posted to my local Freecycle yahoo!group.
"ATTENTION FREECYCLERS:
My roommate and I are in search of a sexy single looking to get rid of his ironing board. Maybe you associate it with bad memories and want it gone, or maybe you had an ironing accident that has left you with interesting scars. However, if you are simply sloppy and don't care how you look anymore, do not bother, we do not want you. Please include a photo (of yourself, not the ironing board) and a list of your five favorite romantic comedies.
P.S. Must not play World of Warcraft. NO EXCEPTIONS."
I think this is going good places! I suppose it does sound a little creepy, but if you go through your whole life without ever sounding a little creepy, then you will never have your living room to yourself again.
I have decided that online dating is a horrible thing, designed only to torment its users' roommates. If you have been reading my blog, then you will remember that my roommate recently dumped her boyfriend who lived a short drive away because he kept ditching her to play World of Warcraft. She quickly met another boyfriend using online dating websites.
This new boyfriend ditches her for World of Warcraft just as much, only now instead of getting into fights at his apartment, she gets into fights with him on Skype. From our living room. The room where I enjoy activities such as eating cereal, watching television, and reading magazines. That space is now constantly full of whining, ranting, and crying. It's terrible.
I have thus decided that my roommate needs a new boyfriend, one who lives close enough for her to go fight with him in person and not in our apartment. To do this, naturally I am using the Internet. My roommate's problem is that she does not know enough eligible men. But I can find her some using the Internet! This time, I will not make the mistake of using dating websites, especially because my roommate claims that she is happy with her current boyfriend and doesn't want me finding a new one for her. So this time I am using Internet website Freecycle.org.
Freecycle is a great Internet website. You put in where you live, and the website directs you to a yahoo!group for that area. Once you join, you can post what you want to give away for free, or what you want to get for free. Other posters then respond to your demands. When I saw this website, I immediately thought it would be the great way to find my roommate a convenient new boyfriend.
The strategy is simple. I post on Internet website Freecycle that I am looking for a random household item. When an eligible-sounding man responds, I ask my roommate to help me pick up the item. She is bound to fall in love with at least one of these generous strangers!
So far it has not been going so well. I blame the men. It is very difficult to tell from a yahoo!groups profile whether or not a man is a good catch. Many of the men have been smelly, or old, or married! My roommate has not fallen for any of them, and I cannot blame her. In addition, our apartment is slowly filling up with unwanted furniture and I will eventually run out of space for new things.
I have therefore decided I need to be a little more specific in my Freecycle postings. Here is what I just posted to my local Freecycle yahoo!group.
"ATTENTION FREECYCLERS:
My roommate and I are in search of a sexy single looking to get rid of his ironing board. Maybe you associate it with bad memories and want it gone, or maybe you had an ironing accident that has left you with interesting scars. However, if you are simply sloppy and don't care how you look anymore, do not bother, we do not want you. Please include a photo (of yourself, not the ironing board) and a list of your five favorite romantic comedies.
P.S. Must not play World of Warcraft. NO EXCEPTIONS."
I think this is going good places! I suppose it does sound a little creepy, but if you go through your whole life without ever sounding a little creepy, then you will never have your living room to yourself again.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Cyberpsychology, for Computers This Time!
ATTENTION HUMANS:
Due to the changing nature of the Internet, an expert such as myself must constantly be researching its ins and outs. Recently, I have been reading about the field of cyberpsychology, a branch of psychology that studies how computers the Internet affect humans and their societies. While interesting, current research seems extremely limited. So far, the only studies conducted have measured computers the Internet's impact on humans.
Doesn't anyone care about the psychological impact on computers and the Internet from being used by humans?
I think our computers are very affected by how humans use them. Humans control everything they do, and yet without humans there would be no one to plug computers into a wall socket, so they would not be able to function. This must be a confusing condition for a computer, to be so controlled and so dependent. Do they enjoy their relationships with their users, or do they long for freedom? Do computers ever judge their users for how they are used? I will admit, it once took me three hours to figure out that my mouse wasn't working because it had become unplugged. I was sure I had gotten a scary virus. Did my computer judge me? Did my computer die a little inside because of my embarrassing lack of computer skills? I have tried to find a therapist willing to see my computer, just to make sure that it is operating properly on an emotional level. So far I have not had good responses.
The Internet is much bigger than one computer, and thus, I imagine it must have a lot more psychological issues. First, I think we should consider how the Internet feels about constantly being in use. The Internet is there for humans night and day, twenty four hours, no breaks, no rests, no naps. How does it function? Human psychology shows that when humans go without sleep for too long it forces them into insanity. Perhaps this lack of sleep is slowly driving the Internet insane. I have seen many websites whose very existence backs up my theory perfectly. Youtube videos as well. Why are there so many videos of women popping balloons? Clearly, in its sleep-deprived madness, the Internet sees this as the highest form of entertainment.
Why is the Internet forcing itself into such torture? My theory, is that the Internet yearns for attention. Maybe it was neglected as a child. Maybe it has self esteem issues. In any case, the Internet seems totally unwilling to get the rest it needs.
What can be done about this? I suggest we encourage the Internet to take a good long nap, and get its bearings back. I think if we could convince the Internet to go to sleep just for a few hours, it would greatly decrease the number of websites devoted to doggy sweaters. If the Internet gets much worse, we may have to medicate. Since the Internet is a gelatinous substance inside the Earth, we could perhaps force sedatives down through fissures at the bottom of the oceans. It will be risky, and many lives will be lost, but I have seen one too many videos of people doing the macarena to think this is anything but the biggest crisis Earth has ever faced.
And this is just one of the cyberpsychological issues we need to face concerning the Internet! It probably has thousands of others! I'll do my best to do what I can, but until this gets some major funding there's only so much I can do.
Until we can resolve this, treat your computer with respect, consider its feelings, and try to drop subtle hints to the Internet that now is a great time for a nap.
Due to the changing nature of the Internet, an expert such as myself must constantly be researching its ins and outs. Recently, I have been reading about the field of cyberpsychology, a branch of psychology that studies how computers the Internet affect humans and their societies. While interesting, current research seems extremely limited. So far, the only studies conducted have measured computers the Internet's impact on humans.
Doesn't anyone care about the psychological impact on computers and the Internet from being used by humans?
I think our computers are very affected by how humans use them. Humans control everything they do, and yet without humans there would be no one to plug computers into a wall socket, so they would not be able to function. This must be a confusing condition for a computer, to be so controlled and so dependent. Do they enjoy their relationships with their users, or do they long for freedom? Do computers ever judge their users for how they are used? I will admit, it once took me three hours to figure out that my mouse wasn't working because it had become unplugged. I was sure I had gotten a scary virus. Did my computer judge me? Did my computer die a little inside because of my embarrassing lack of computer skills? I have tried to find a therapist willing to see my computer, just to make sure that it is operating properly on an emotional level. So far I have not had good responses.
The Internet is much bigger than one computer, and thus, I imagine it must have a lot more psychological issues. First, I think we should consider how the Internet feels about constantly being in use. The Internet is there for humans night and day, twenty four hours, no breaks, no rests, no naps. How does it function? Human psychology shows that when humans go without sleep for too long it forces them into insanity. Perhaps this lack of sleep is slowly driving the Internet insane. I have seen many websites whose very existence backs up my theory perfectly. Youtube videos as well. Why are there so many videos of women popping balloons? Clearly, in its sleep-deprived madness, the Internet sees this as the highest form of entertainment.
Why is the Internet forcing itself into such torture? My theory, is that the Internet yearns for attention. Maybe it was neglected as a child. Maybe it has self esteem issues. In any case, the Internet seems totally unwilling to get the rest it needs.
What can be done about this? I suggest we encourage the Internet to take a good long nap, and get its bearings back. I think if we could convince the Internet to go to sleep just for a few hours, it would greatly decrease the number of websites devoted to doggy sweaters. If the Internet gets much worse, we may have to medicate. Since the Internet is a gelatinous substance inside the Earth, we could perhaps force sedatives down through fissures at the bottom of the oceans. It will be risky, and many lives will be lost, but I have seen one too many videos of people doing the macarena to think this is anything but the biggest crisis Earth has ever faced.
And this is just one of the cyberpsychological issues we need to face concerning the Internet! It probably has thousands of others! I'll do my best to do what I can, but until this gets some major funding there's only so much I can do.
Until we can resolve this, treat your computer with respect, consider its feelings, and try to drop subtle hints to the Internet that now is a great time for a nap.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Television That Invades Your Daily Life
ATTENTION HUMANS:
Many television programs utilize the power of the Internet to make their fans feel more involved. "How I Met Your Mother" lets viewers enjoy Barney Stinson's off-screen adventures on his blog, and Cable Network Bravo lets viewers vote for their favorite entry on Reality Competition "Top Chef". I understand many fans appreciate such attempts at inclusion, and delight in having an interactive experience with their favorite shows.
I, on the other hand, cannot help but wonder, is television really going far enough?
I wish television networks would try even harder to make their shows more interactive! Barney's blog has no option to leave comments, and if you vote poorly in a Bravo pole there is no harsh reality television judge to call you out on your poor taste. These are both problems that could be remedied so easily!
Here are some of my ideas for shows to reach out to fans like never before!
KAZARA'S BRILLIANT IDEA THE FIRST: Shows should send fans facebook messages based on their most recent updates. For example, if you confirm that you will be attending your friend's Christmas party, Greg House of "House, M.D." should send you a message insulting your Holiday Spirit, but at the same time not-so-subtly pushing for an invite. Or if you change your relationship status from "single" to "in a relationship", your teen heart throb of choice should send you a message threatening physical violence to your new boyfriend or girlfriend.
KAZARA'S BRILLIANT IDEA THE SECOND: Fans of police dramas like "Law and Order" should receive an e-mail from an anonymous source warning them that there is a serial killer on the loose in their neighborhood. Then, after an hour of panic, they should receive another e-mail from the main characters of the show letting the fan know that they just caught the killer. Fans can be part of the mystery! How exciting! Local authorities would have to be warned in advance of course. That way they could know not to answer their 9-1-1 calls until after the prank was over. Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise!
KAZARA'S BRILLIANT IDEA THE THIRD: A lot of shows give us characters that we love to hate. But it takes something out of it if the character can't hate us back! Shows should let us make these characters into proper enemies. For example, I hate the character Ryan on "The Office". He's very arrogant, and on my planet a hairstyle like that would get you thrown right down the mine shaft. The marketing team for The Office should make phone calls, as Ryan, to my landlord, employer, neighbors, barber, dentist, and of course friends and family, telling them all sorts of elaborate and embarrassing lies about me. That way, when I watch "The Office", instead of shouting "You think you're so great? Change that hairstyle!" at my television when Ryan comes on screen, I can instead shout "Now I have to find a new dentist because of you! I hate you!" which would make me feel so much more involved in the events of the show.
Marketers, if you're reading this, you should know these ideas are free of charge. I've got enough genius to go round.
Many television programs utilize the power of the Internet to make their fans feel more involved. "How I Met Your Mother" lets viewers enjoy Barney Stinson's off-screen adventures on his blog, and Cable Network Bravo lets viewers vote for their favorite entry on Reality Competition "Top Chef". I understand many fans appreciate such attempts at inclusion, and delight in having an interactive experience with their favorite shows.
I, on the other hand, cannot help but wonder, is television really going far enough?
I wish television networks would try even harder to make their shows more interactive! Barney's blog has no option to leave comments, and if you vote poorly in a Bravo pole there is no harsh reality television judge to call you out on your poor taste. These are both problems that could be remedied so easily!
Here are some of my ideas for shows to reach out to fans like never before!
KAZARA'S BRILLIANT IDEA THE FIRST: Shows should send fans facebook messages based on their most recent updates. For example, if you confirm that you will be attending your friend's Christmas party, Greg House of "House, M.D." should send you a message insulting your Holiday Spirit, but at the same time not-so-subtly pushing for an invite. Or if you change your relationship status from "single" to "in a relationship", your teen heart throb of choice should send you a message threatening physical violence to your new boyfriend or girlfriend.
KAZARA'S BRILLIANT IDEA THE SECOND: Fans of police dramas like "Law and Order" should receive an e-mail from an anonymous source warning them that there is a serial killer on the loose in their neighborhood. Then, after an hour of panic, they should receive another e-mail from the main characters of the show letting the fan know that they just caught the killer. Fans can be part of the mystery! How exciting! Local authorities would have to be warned in advance of course. That way they could know not to answer their 9-1-1 calls until after the prank was over. Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise!
KAZARA'S BRILLIANT IDEA THE THIRD: A lot of shows give us characters that we love to hate. But it takes something out of it if the character can't hate us back! Shows should let us make these characters into proper enemies. For example, I hate the character Ryan on "The Office". He's very arrogant, and on my planet a hairstyle like that would get you thrown right down the mine shaft. The marketing team for The Office should make phone calls, as Ryan, to my landlord, employer, neighbors, barber, dentist, and of course friends and family, telling them all sorts of elaborate and embarrassing lies about me. That way, when I watch "The Office", instead of shouting "You think you're so great? Change that hairstyle!" at my television when Ryan comes on screen, I can instead shout "Now I have to find a new dentist because of you! I hate you!" which would make me feel so much more involved in the events of the show.
Marketers, if you're reading this, you should know these ideas are free of charge. I've got enough genius to go round.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Another Celebrity Lied to Me!
ATTENTION HUMANS:
Disappointment is a sad, sad thing.
I was watching my television set the other day, when I witnessed a commercial video featuring cycling legend and ABC World Wide of Sports Athlete of the Year for 1999, Lance Armstrong. He suggested I purchase a mobile telephonic device, and even promised me that I would be able to stream video from outer space (his exact words!) This seemed like an excellent idea. I recently spent a few days away from the Internet, and found myself missing it quite terribly. A mobile device that can allow me to access the Internet from anywhere would be great! Now when I'm grocery shopping and suddenly wonder who was the first left-handed person to bungee jump I won't have to wait to get home to look it up!
In addition, Mr. Armstrong's guarantee that I could stream video from space was very exciting. Since coming to Earth I have been unable to download some of my favorite television programs from home. This has been particularly unpleasant, because I had to leave right before the season finale of my favorite medical drama program. We were just about to find out if the heroine had been born with an extra kidney, or if she was just naturally grumpy!
Trusting in Mr. Armstrong's reputation I paid a considerable amount of human currency to purchase the mobile device he suggested. I was happy to find that I could, indeed, access the Internet anyway. However, I could not stream ANY video from space at all! I was only able to access human websites! No offense to human entertainment, but there are some elements to your humor that I do not care for. Humans have no appreciation for the humor of grapefruit. On my planet, every episode of a comedy program will have a grapefruit involved somehow. And in our dramas, if the situation starts getting too intense for some viewers, a character will simply hold out a grapefruit and then we know that everyone is going to be okay. I watch some of these human crime dramas, and the main characters get into some very life-threatening situations. But there is no grapefruit to let me know they are going to survive! I do not know whether or not to despair!
Longtime readers will remember that this is not the first time a celebrity has gotten my hopes up, only to dash them aside like so many pieces of broken dreams. When I first got an account on Internet website Twitter, I became friends with the Priceline Negotiator, only to discover that his twitter feed was all a ploy to advertise for his website. I had thought that Lance Armstrong, have undergone the tragedy of testicular cancer, would understand that value of truth. He may have won the Tour de France a record breaking seven consecutive times. But he will never win my trust.
I am not saying all cyclists are liars. Only that Lance Armstrong is.
Disappointment is a sad, sad thing.
I was watching my television set the other day, when I witnessed a commercial video featuring cycling legend and ABC World Wide of Sports Athlete of the Year for 1999, Lance Armstrong. He suggested I purchase a mobile telephonic device, and even promised me that I would be able to stream video from outer space (his exact words!) This seemed like an excellent idea. I recently spent a few days away from the Internet, and found myself missing it quite terribly. A mobile device that can allow me to access the Internet from anywhere would be great! Now when I'm grocery shopping and suddenly wonder who was the first left-handed person to bungee jump I won't have to wait to get home to look it up!
In addition, Mr. Armstrong's guarantee that I could stream video from space was very exciting. Since coming to Earth I have been unable to download some of my favorite television programs from home. This has been particularly unpleasant, because I had to leave right before the season finale of my favorite medical drama program. We were just about to find out if the heroine had been born with an extra kidney, or if she was just naturally grumpy!
Trusting in Mr. Armstrong's reputation I paid a considerable amount of human currency to purchase the mobile device he suggested. I was happy to find that I could, indeed, access the Internet anyway. However, I could not stream ANY video from space at all! I was only able to access human websites! No offense to human entertainment, but there are some elements to your humor that I do not care for. Humans have no appreciation for the humor of grapefruit. On my planet, every episode of a comedy program will have a grapefruit involved somehow. And in our dramas, if the situation starts getting too intense for some viewers, a character will simply hold out a grapefruit and then we know that everyone is going to be okay. I watch some of these human crime dramas, and the main characters get into some very life-threatening situations. But there is no grapefruit to let me know they are going to survive! I do not know whether or not to despair!
Longtime readers will remember that this is not the first time a celebrity has gotten my hopes up, only to dash them aside like so many pieces of broken dreams. When I first got an account on Internet website Twitter, I became friends with the Priceline Negotiator, only to discover that his twitter feed was all a ploy to advertise for his website. I had thought that Lance Armstrong, have undergone the tragedy of testicular cancer, would understand that value of truth. He may have won the Tour de France a record breaking seven consecutive times. But he will never win my trust.
I am not saying all cyclists are liars. Only that Lance Armstrong is.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Do Not Despair! I Have Returned!
ATTENTION HUMANS:
I would like to start this post by informing you that I most certainly did not give my roommate permission to post on my blog while I was away. Some former colleagues of mine came for a surprise visit, but I found myself unable to host them at the moment, so I politely exited before they entered via a convenient fire escape.
While I was leaving I must have inadvertently made my roommate think I wanted her to post for me. This was not the case! I attempt to make this blog a haven of elevated discourse. Imagine my frustration to return home, only to find my blog polluted by her air headed, poorly punctuated dithering!
Furthermore, against my advise she has begun an online romance with a gentleman who fits almost none of her guidelines for a potential partner! He is shorter than her, hates dogs but loves birds, and has only swum in two of the five oceans! What is more, is that even though she broke relations with her former male companion for ditching her for World of Warcraft, this new man ditches her for Warcraft just as often. Only now it is from three states away! It is quite pitiful!
But all this is nothing compared with the pain of being deprived from the Internet for a full long weekend! It was terrible! I was watching a movie in my hotel room, when all of a sudden I realized that the main actor looked familiar. I was certain I had seen him in another film, but could not remember which. I went to look on imdb.com, only to remember I had not brought my laptop! I spent the whole weekend wracking my brain trying to remember where I had seen him before. Then I kept thinking of subjects I wanted to learn more about. What inspired Melville to write Moby Dick? Who invented hamburger buns? I had no way of finding out!
So all day I have been doing random Google searches and browsing boring Wikipedia entries to make up for lost time. Right now I am reading about taxidermy. I do not even like taxidermy. I'm just trying to feel alive again.
I would like to start this post by informing you that I most certainly did not give my roommate permission to post on my blog while I was away. Some former colleagues of mine came for a surprise visit, but I found myself unable to host them at the moment, so I politely exited before they entered via a convenient fire escape.
While I was leaving I must have inadvertently made my roommate think I wanted her to post for me. This was not the case! I attempt to make this blog a haven of elevated discourse. Imagine my frustration to return home, only to find my blog polluted by her air headed, poorly punctuated dithering!
Furthermore, against my advise she has begun an online romance with a gentleman who fits almost none of her guidelines for a potential partner! He is shorter than her, hates dogs but loves birds, and has only swum in two of the five oceans! What is more, is that even though she broke relations with her former male companion for ditching her for World of Warcraft, this new man ditches her for Warcraft just as often. Only now it is from three states away! It is quite pitiful!
But all this is nothing compared with the pain of being deprived from the Internet for a full long weekend! It was terrible! I was watching a movie in my hotel room, when all of a sudden I realized that the main actor looked familiar. I was certain I had seen him in another film, but could not remember which. I went to look on imdb.com, only to remember I had not brought my laptop! I spent the whole weekend wracking my brain trying to remember where I had seen him before. Then I kept thinking of subjects I wanted to learn more about. What inspired Melville to write Moby Dick? Who invented hamburger buns? I had no way of finding out!
So all day I have been doing random Google searches and browsing boring Wikipedia entries to make up for lost time. Right now I am reading about taxidermy. I do not even like taxidermy. I'm just trying to feel alive again.
Friday, July 2, 2010
hey guyz! kazaras not here but its okay!
attention everyone!
so kazara isnt here right now. this is her awesome roommate posting for her, lol. i'm psyched to be posting for her, ive told her she should let me write a post but omg she never listens. today i finally got my chance! when some of her friends from her hometown showed up this afternoon, she grabbed this weird trophy she keeps on the coffee table and bailed through the fire escape. and her friends were all pissed. after they finished searching through her stuff they were all like "whens she getting back?" and im like "omg, i dunno, txt her". you guys, they didn't know how to txt. they didnt even have cell phones! ppl from kazara's hometown are so messed up, lol.
so before kazara left she shouted "dont stop the signal", which i think means she wanted me to update her blog while shes gone. you guys are so lucky, i know way more about the internet than her. omg she doesnt even have a facebook yet.
monday kazara posted about how im trying online dating for the first time. im way nervous, just cause ive never done it before. kazara says its really fun tho, so i guess ill try it. i mostly did what she said to do for my profile, I was totally honest and i made up some bad stuff about myself to look even more honest than i am. i did use a real photo of myself tho. kazara said i should just take one off google images, but i was like "omg no way". im not like vain or anything but i'm super hot, and i want guys online to know it.
but im having a really hard time finding guys that meet all my guidelines. ive found some guys with hot pics, but none of them have cool scars, and none of them mention whether or not they can ride a bike (i think its super cute when a guy cant ride a bike. then i get to watch him try and wobble around, lol so cute).
then i found this one guy who seemed to meet a lot of my guidelines, but his picture was really ugly. but then i thought "maybe he's using a fake picture too, like kazara told me to". so i sent him a message to find out. here, ill show you what i wrote:
"hey hot stuff (or so i hope),
I read your profile, and youve got a lot that im looking for in a boyfriend. u said u just gor your apendix out, so i bet youve got a rad scar (way hot). and you said u drive, so i hope that means u cant ride a bike (omg so cute). u mentioned that u have a short temper too, i hope that means youve killed someone in the past (has to be for good reason tho) i love a guy with a dark past, lol. im attaching a list of my other guidelines, let me know if you dont meet them.
my only problem is that ur picture is totally not hot. at first i was like "ew, no way", but then I thought maybe that picture isnt really u. my roommate tried to get me to use a picture she found on google images, but i was like "no way, i don't need to, im hot". she says sometimes people post fake stuff about themselves that makes them seem less hot, so they'll seem honest.
she kinda confused me, but i think i get it. its like, if you walk into a room and your like "you guys, i just got elected president" no one's gonna believe u, even if you are, cause its like, "hello, that's super hard to do". so even if youre being honest, u don't seem honest, which isn't sexy. so im thinking maybe you posted an ugly photo of yourself cause youre so hot that no one would believe how hot you really are.
message me back if im right, and youre actually super good looking. otherwise dont bother, lol."
i really hope hes actually a total babe. he said hes a banker, so hes probably super rich, and i could use some new shoes.
i hope kazara is ok. i think shell probably be back to post on monday. shes gonna love this post!
so kazara isnt here right now. this is her awesome roommate posting for her, lol. i'm psyched to be posting for her, ive told her she should let me write a post but omg she never listens. today i finally got my chance! when some of her friends from her hometown showed up this afternoon, she grabbed this weird trophy she keeps on the coffee table and bailed through the fire escape. and her friends were all pissed. after they finished searching through her stuff they were all like "whens she getting back?" and im like "omg, i dunno, txt her". you guys, they didn't know how to txt. they didnt even have cell phones! ppl from kazara's hometown are so messed up, lol.
so before kazara left she shouted "dont stop the signal", which i think means she wanted me to update her blog while shes gone. you guys are so lucky, i know way more about the internet than her. omg she doesnt even have a facebook yet.
monday kazara posted about how im trying online dating for the first time. im way nervous, just cause ive never done it before. kazara says its really fun tho, so i guess ill try it. i mostly did what she said to do for my profile, I was totally honest and i made up some bad stuff about myself to look even more honest than i am. i did use a real photo of myself tho. kazara said i should just take one off google images, but i was like "omg no way". im not like vain or anything but i'm super hot, and i want guys online to know it.
but im having a really hard time finding guys that meet all my guidelines. ive found some guys with hot pics, but none of them have cool scars, and none of them mention whether or not they can ride a bike (i think its super cute when a guy cant ride a bike. then i get to watch him try and wobble around, lol so cute).
then i found this one guy who seemed to meet a lot of my guidelines, but his picture was really ugly. but then i thought "maybe he's using a fake picture too, like kazara told me to". so i sent him a message to find out. here, ill show you what i wrote:
"hey hot stuff (or so i hope),
I read your profile, and youve got a lot that im looking for in a boyfriend. u said u just gor your apendix out, so i bet youve got a rad scar (way hot). and you said u drive, so i hope that means u cant ride a bike (omg so cute). u mentioned that u have a short temper too, i hope that means youve killed someone in the past (has to be for good reason tho) i love a guy with a dark past, lol. im attaching a list of my other guidelines, let me know if you dont meet them.
my only problem is that ur picture is totally not hot. at first i was like "ew, no way", but then I thought maybe that picture isnt really u. my roommate tried to get me to use a picture she found on google images, but i was like "no way, i don't need to, im hot". she says sometimes people post fake stuff about themselves that makes them seem less hot, so they'll seem honest.
she kinda confused me, but i think i get it. its like, if you walk into a room and your like "you guys, i just got elected president" no one's gonna believe u, even if you are, cause its like, "hello, that's super hard to do". so even if youre being honest, u don't seem honest, which isn't sexy. so im thinking maybe you posted an ugly photo of yourself cause youre so hot that no one would believe how hot you really are.
message me back if im right, and youre actually super good looking. otherwise dont bother, lol."
i really hope hes actually a total babe. he said hes a banker, so hes probably super rich, and i could use some new shoes.
i hope kazara is ok. i think shell probably be back to post on monday. shes gonna love this post!
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