The Internet Should Be More Awkward

A funny thing happened to me yesterday. I was at the grocery store with my roommate, trying to determine which kind of salad dressing had the most sodium (My metabolism needs lots of sodium to stay healthy and alert. This low sodium fade is very frustrating!) when her WOW addicted ex boyfriend walked into the aisle. She hasn't talked to him since they broke up, and to avoid a chance meeting, we had to hide behind a blubberous woman and her stuffed grocery cart until he selected his preferred brand of olive oil and moved on. As soon as he left the aisle my roommate demanded we leave the store immediately, not even giving me enough time to purchase my salad dressing! My sodium levels were at a dangerous low!

As inconvenient as it was, it was also kind of exciting! I felt like a spy in some Cold War movie. I even hummed the theme from Mission Impossible under my breath, much to the blubberous woman's dismay. Reflecting upon the event, it is a fairly universal occurrence that happens to most humans. You go somewhere, run into someone you would prefer not to see, and hide until they leave.

Which leaves me to wonder, why hasn't the Internet incorporated this into my daily life yet? Is it 2010 or not? Feels more like 1910!

Most common social interactions have been taken over by the Internet. Instead of sending someone a letter, you can send them an e-mail. Instead of calling, you can chat on any number of instant messenger programs. Instead of meeting for coffee to catch up, you can just Facebook stalk your friends and relatives.

And yet, despite all these advances, the Internet does not have any social networking site or new media technology that allows me to hide from an undesirable acquaintance to avoid an awkward conversation. Sure, you can select people to be "blocked", or "ignored", but it is not the same thing. I tried humming the Mission Impossible theme song as I blocked a friend on instant messenger. It was not nearly as exciting as it was in the grocery store!

I am not entirely sure how this would be accomplished. Perhaps you could list people you don't want to see, and when you go to a website that one of them is currently observing your computer would direct you to hide under your desk until they have left. Hopefully then humming the Mission Impossible theme would feel more appropriate.

Now that I think about it, maybe my desire isn't so much to recreate all social interactions on the Internet. It is possible that I am just looking for opportunities to hum the Mission Impossible theme song. I am not sure. Some mysteries will never be solved.