Do Not Despair! I Have Returned!

ATTENTION HUMANS:

I would like to start this post by informing you that I most certainly did not give my roommate permission to post on my blog while I was away. Some former colleagues of mine came for a surprise visit, but I found myself unable to host them at the moment, so I politely exited before they entered via a convenient fire escape.

While I was leaving I must have inadvertently made my roommate think I wanted her to post for me. This was not the case! I attempt to make this blog a haven of elevated discourse. Imagine my frustration to return home, only to find my blog polluted by her air headed, poorly punctuated dithering!

Furthermore, against my advise she has begun an online romance with a gentleman who fits almost none of her guidelines for a potential partner! He is shorter than her, hates dogs but loves birds, and has only swum in two of the five oceans! What is more, is that even though she broke relations with her former male companion for ditching her for World of Warcraft, this new man ditches her for Warcraft just as often. Only now it is from three states away! It is quite pitiful!

But all this is nothing compared with the pain of being deprived from the Internet for a full long weekend! It was terrible! I was watching a movie in my hotel room, when all of a sudden I realized that the main actor looked familiar. I was certain I had seen him in another film, but could not remember which. I went to look on imdb.com, only to remember I had not brought my laptop! I spent the whole weekend wracking my brain trying to remember where I had seen him before. Then I kept thinking of subjects I wanted to learn more about. What inspired Melville to write Moby Dick? Who invented hamburger buns? I had no way of finding out!

So all day I have been doing random Google searches and browsing boring Wikipedia entries to make up for lost time. Right now I am reading about taxidermy. I do not even like taxidermy. I'm just trying to feel alive again.