Using the Internet to Find Employment!

ATTENTION HUMANS:

With any luck my previous entry has changed your life, and you are now rich and famous enough to pay someone to navigate the Internet for you.

If this is not the case, do not despair! I will continue to give you advice about the Internet.

From my research, it seems there is a significant lack of employment in this part of the World. On my planet employment is not a problem. We have many large mines that need all the hands they can get. For members of my species unfit to work in the mines, there are always ample opportunities for bloggers. It is a good system.

On your planet, however, it seems blogging does not automatically pay. I was surprised to find that when I posted my last entry a check did not immediately print out. It turns out your planet is even more different from mine than I had at first imagined!

But I will not despair, and neither should you if you are looking for work. Why? Because the Internet is the perfect tool to find employment! There are numerous Internet websites designed to help humans find jobs, such as Craigslist, Monster, and Careerfinder. You can just put random, career related words together and they will likely be the name of a website eager to find you a job! Jobhelp! Moneymake! I'll bet those exist! Alternatively, you can find the website of a company you would like to work for, then send them e-mail after e-mail until they realize you are the perfect employee for them! I recommend at least five a day, so they know that you are serious.

To see just how easy it is to find a job, I did a quick job search using several popular Internet websites, and came across this juicy opportunity.

Our company is seeking a qualified phlebotomist. Must be skilled in Venipuncture, High Volume Sticks, Pediatrics, Geriatrics. Salary based on experience.

Sounds like a great job! Before e-mailing the company, I did a quick search on Internet website "google", and found that a good job search strategy is to learn more about the position for which one is applying.

I therefore sent the company the following e-mail:

"ATTENTION HUMAN:

You should hire me to be your Phlebotomist. I am an expert in Phlebotomy and contain all of the qualities necessary to lead your business in successful world domination. Before explaining how I shall do this, I require definitions to the following terms:

Phlebotomist
Venipuncture
High Volume Sticks
Pediatrics
Geriatrics
Salary
Sub Prime Mortgage (this doesn't have to do with your position. I've been curious for a while and wondered if you could explain it to me)

That is all!

Yours Truly,
Kazara From the Internet"

I eagerly await their response!