It will interest you all to know that from this day forward you can access my wealth of knowledge on the Internet website Twitter! You can view my Twitter Internet Account here.
Twitter is a wonderful resource. For those of you unfamiliar with it, or suffering from temporary memory loss, Twitter is an Internet website that allows users to view descriptions of random, often insignificant experiences in the lives of friends, family, celebrities, and complete strangers. I have spent many an afternoon memorizing the daily routines of humans I've never even met! It's fascinating!
Though entertaining, Twitter also poses a wealth of dangers. For example, say one weekend I hear some former colleagues of mine from my home planet are coming to visit, and I suddenly need to get out of town for a few days to avoid them. I might be tempted to post a Tweet something like this:
"Due to unforeseen circumstances I will not be residing at my usual dwelling for the next few solar cycles. For urgent matters, feel free to communicate via mobile cellular telephone device. That is all!"
This would be great for keeping my friends and well-wishers updated of my situation. But what about when I get home, to find all my worldly possessions stolen? Not a pleasant outcome!
So when using Twitter, be sure to make it impossible for potential burglars to know when your dwelling will be most vulnerable. Which is why, in the previous situation, I would post something like this:
"Looking forward to a nice night of watching my front door with a shotgun."
That is much less likely to result in home invasion! Who wants to rob a house currently being guarded by a resident watching the door with a shotgun? Moreover, who wants to antagonize the kind of person who would stay home one a Friday night watching the door with a shotgun? My home will be safe and sound!
But be careful not to write the same thing every time you go out of town, or burglars will start to catch on! Mix it up a little!
"Having my karate class over for dinner tonight. I asked them to bring extra nunchucks."
"Working up my tolerance to various poisonous gases this weekend. How toxic my apartment will be!"
"Just bought a vicious tiger. He's getting along great with my ferocious jaguar!"
No one would want to burgle a dwelling under any of those situations! Of course, it is possible for potential thieves to find out you are bluffing. To avoid this, you must make it a possibility that you are telling the truth. Purchase a shotgun, and spend some evenings watching the front door with it. Adopt a vicious tiger, or, failing that, a ferocious jaguar.
Stay safe readers! And I hope you enjoy my new Twitter feed!
2 comments:
Wow! Once again you give me great advice Kazara! You must have been a very good blogger back home. Oh! And I loved your joke about the Jaguar. They have spots and whiskers... that was an utter hoot! Why, it reminds me the time I drew a picture of a dog after my friend told me how simple it was, "They have four legs and a tail!" She told me. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously though, good advice about twitter. Oh, and if you need me this week I will be testing out my new flame thrower. Hope I don't burn down my apartment!
-Lexi
Nice one, Lexi! Just remember that to keep burglars guessing, you will occasionally need to burn your apartment down. I know it is a little extreme, but home security cannot be taken too lightly.
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