How to Look Successful and Popular

If you read my last entry, then you know that I was debating accepting a friend request from an acquaintance from my home planet. I decided to go ahead and friend Ponzor, and was fortunately able to find controls in Facebook that allowed me to block what information he can see. I chose to block most of it, just to be safe. I do wish Facebook gave me the option of having just him see fake information. I could replace my real info with fake info, but then all of my existing Facebook friends would be mislead. It's an option, but not the best option. It would definitely make me feel more comfortable if he thought I lived in another state.

Another much more important problem is that he appears to have far more Facebook friends than I do. I find this distressing. I do not want to look like a loser! Especially if he is still talking to other members of our species! I burned a lot of bridges there, and many of them think I am a selfish liar, but I at least want them to think that I am a popular selfish liar!

Right now I have eight Facebook friends. My roommate, her boyfriend, two of my neighbors, a couple of people I met online, my banker and my baker (I see them quite often since opening an online bank account!) This is not enough! Now that I know I can control what info friends see I have gone on a quest to get as many Facebook friends as I can. And not just any Facebook friends. I don't want my home planet to think I am friends with just any humans. I want them to think I am friends with the most extraordinary humans available! I may even de-friend my roommate for this reason. She is not all that extraordinary, despite what she tells the mirror when she thinks I am not home.

Fortunately, the Internet does not limit me to mediocre friends! Many famous actors, singers, and dead politicians are actively seeking Facebook friends. Famous people are desperate for Internet friendships and will make friends with just about anyone. I looked at some of the pictures of other people that were friends with celebrities, and I can guarantee they are not very selective. I just hope no one from my home planet realizes that!